“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners. I wish someone had told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase; they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative, work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know that it’s normal and the important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you finish one piece. It’s only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take a while. It’s normal to take awhile. You just gotta fight your way through.”
i’d say the best thing i have learned this year is to just let people be who they naturally are. no psychoanalyzing them, no overthinking my actions, no asking what i could possibly do to keep their presence in my life. i just bring my best self to the table and always move from a place of love and respect. how that person responds is ultimately up to them. if that causes them to exit my life, i just let it happen. i will never be in the business of changing people. people are only ever ready to change when they’ve made the conscious decision to. all i can do is check myself and be kind always.
“Je me sentis heureux, pendant un jour ou deux, jusqu’au moment où, une fois encore, reprit l’érosion quotidienne et rythmée de mon moral – angoisse, agitation, craintes diffuses.”
— William Styron, Face aux ténèbres : Chronique d'une folie (Darkness visible)
“Il mit fin à ses jours non parce qu’il était lâche, ni en raison d’une quelconque faiblesse de caractère, mais parce qu’il était affligé d’une dépression tellement dévastatrice qu’il n’avait plus la force nécessaire pour en endurer la souffrance.”
— William Styron, Face aux ténèbres : Chronique d'une folie (Darkness visible)
Je me suis toujours demandée si j’étais la seule à ressentir ça… cette envie constante de disparaître de ce monde, comme si j’étais jamais apparue comme si ma perte ne pouvait blesser personne. J’aimerais être comme une étoile filante arriver et repartir aussi vite que je suis arrivée. Lorsque tout semble aller pour le mieux, il y a toujours quelque chose pour empirer empirer et encore empirer… J’y pense tous les jours sans cesse… mais à quoi ? A un moyen de m’évaporer… pourquoi vivre si ce n’est que pour attendre notre fin ? Pourquoi aimer si ce n’est que pour tomber ? Pourquoi rire si ce n’est que pour quelques secondes ? Pourquoi se promettre qu’on ira mieux si jamais rien ne s’améliore ?
